


Hurt's Like Hell

by Humanity_Strongest_001, Levi__Acker_Gay



Series: I Loved And I Loved And I Lost You [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Broken Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Crying, Hurt, Hurt Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Minor Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:13:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25673380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanity_Strongest_001/pseuds/Humanity_Strongest_001, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levi__Acker_Gay/pseuds/Levi__Acker_Gay
Summary: Death.A sweet release. Something he wanted. Something he needed.Levi stood ontop of Wall Rose, at the edge. He looked down, glancing down at the darkness below him.
Relationships: Furlan Church & Levi & Isabel Magnolia, Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi & Erwin Smith, Levi & Hange Zoë, Levi & Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, Levi/Erwin Smith
Series: I Loved And I Loved And I Lost You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1873636
Comments: 4
Kudos: 142





	Hurt's Like Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Continuation of Chapter Seven from 'Kill Thy Enemy.'  
> Hope you enjoy it <3
> 
> There will be a second part  
> 

_Isabel Magnolia_

_Farlan Church_

* * *

_Eld Jinn_

_Petra Ral_

_Oluo Bozado_

_Gunther Schultz_

* * *

All of his friends were dead. All of his squad and his two friends from a past life he would never forget, gone in a matter of minutes. _Titans! He fucking hated them._ And he hadn't been there. Hadn't been there to save them from impending doom. It had been all his fault. Maybe if he had been there, maybe, just maybe they would still be here. Or he would at least be dead with them. Dead, and happy. Well, happier.

Death. 

A sweet release. Something he wanted. No. Something he needed. Something he could get so easily.

He ran. Like a coward, he turned tail and ran from his problems and emotions. Taking the _easy_ way out of everything. Away from the pain. 

He sprinted away from HQ under the cover of darkness. He used his vertical manoeuvring gear to clambour up the wall with practiced ease. _Is giving up okay? It seems to be the only way to proceed from here._

Levi stood on top of Wall Rose, right at the edge. He looked down, glancing below at the darkness underneath him, it was too dark for him to see the bottom. _Like himself. He was too full of darkness for anyone to see the light._

He unbuckled the ODM gear from his waist, something that had become a part of him, and placed it down gently onto the wall beside him. He took off the sword sheaths, and placed them down as well. Levi sat down heavily beside the gear and leaned backwards, bracing himself on his hands. A cold breeze ripped through him, but he didn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything. He was numb, numb to feeling.

The only thoughts going through his mind were how easy it would be to slip away. How easy it would be to jump, much less effort having to climb down, not when he could just fall. Fall and finally be free. Finally fly without the suffocating weight of ODM gear.

Levi stood, took a deep breath and wrapped the green cloak tighter around his small frame. He could suddenly feel the biting cold, could feel everything that had been blocked off by his senses moment's ago. He stumbled forward, battling the biting wind and his mind.

 _Was this a good idea?_ No. He needed to do this. He had to get away from those feelings he tried to hide. It was too much now. Too much for him to handle.

He had it all figured out, slip away under the cover of darkness, climb Wall Rose, which was so easy, what he didn't count on was Erwin Smith.

* * *

The blond male had gone for a walk, and seen Levi slip out of the building, making sure he was not being followed. His hunched shoulders and sweeping looks giving it away. Erwin had ducked behind the corner to avoid being spotted, and followed the raven, not liking what was happening though he wasn't sure what was about to occur.

When he had seen Levi climb Wall Rose, he had thought the Captain was going to hunt titans alone. That wouldn't have been good, even if Levi was Humanities' strongest soldier, he still needed backup. Everyone needed help. However, when he had seen Levi take his 3D-manouvering gear off, his heart sank in his chest.

He understood the pain of losing people, and Levi had just lost his _entire_ squad. But he needed to act. When he had seen Levi stand, and take a breath with such finality, Erwin's chest ached, this wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Levi couldn't just leave him. Not after everything that had happened. Not after everything they had been through. He just couldn't.

* * *

Levi stood and approached the edge of the wall, he gazed up at the stars one last time. He let a small smile twitch the corners of his lips up before he let himself tip off the edge.

"NO!" A voice shouted, but it sounded too far away to Levi. "Levi! No!" 

As gravity took it's effect, Levi felt himself plummet towards the dark ground, wind whipping his hair and cloak violently. Cold air made his eyes smart and water. 

He had never felt so free. So uncontained. Not held back anymore by strangling ODM gear straps.

The air was clean and fresh, he was comforted by the thought that this was the end. However his plummet was abrupted suddenly and savagely. He hung limply as the air battered around him, but he felt warm. Strong arms were wrapped around his waist securely.

Levi twisted in the stranger's grip, and came face to face with a familiar profile. Erwin.

He screeched loudly, and twisted, trying to dislodge himself from Erwin's grip. But it was too tight and he knew he would never escape. He screamed loudly, enough for Erwin to want to clamp his hands over his ears, but instead his grip around Levi tightened. Levi kicked out, pummelling Erwin's body with weak punches as tears streamed down his face. "Please! Let me go!" He shouted, voice thick with tears and emotions.

Erwin gently rubbed Levi's back as he flipped around so Levi was draped across his body in a more stable position. Erwin hung horizontally facing upwards, face turned towards the stars. "No Levi. I can't do that. "Levi hiccoughed slightly, and Erwin pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

Levi's voice was reduced to a hoarse whisper, and his punches weak." Please Erwin. Please." But Erwin ignored all of Levi's pleading to be let go, and allowed to plummet to his death. Instead he began the climb up the wall, and though it was awkward, he managed easily. Levi didn't weigh that much.

When they reached the top of the wall, Levi pushed himself away from Erwin, and the Commander let him. Levi stumbled away from the wall's edge, and crashed down to his knees. He wallowed in the pain that jarred up his legs. Letting it focus him, and sharpen his senses.

Erwin sat down as well, watching Levi out of the corner of his eye, waiting for any indication that Levi would throw himself off the roof again in another attempt to end it. Erwin refused to let Captain Levi leave him, not like that. They were... _friends, comrades, fellow soldiers._ They were, friends. They were _more_ than that.

Levi wiped the tears away as discreetly as he could, turning away from Erwin, he did not want to appear weak in front of his superiors. _He was not weak. Wasn't he?_ His hunched shoulders faced Erwin, and the blonde reached out, and contemplated placing what he hoped would be a comforting hand on the raven's shoulder.

However Levi sat back before Erwin's hand reached him, he leaned heavily on his arms. He bowed his head, as if the weight of his emotional anguish was a physical burden on his hunched shoulders. 

Erwin reached out once again slowly, allowing Levi to see his outstretched hand approach. Levi flinched, but did not move away, so Erwin placed his hand gently onto Levi's trembling shoulder.

They sat like that for a few moments, in the silence. Erwin's hand a warm comfort on Levi's shoulder, grounding him. Levi silently stood, walked to the edge again. Erwin was about to hurry to his feet, thinking the worst. However he froze when he heard Levi's whisper. 

"It's so dark. You can't see the stars. It's like I'm still underground." Levi stood, framed against the sky like a statue. Erwin glanced down at the neat pile of ODM gear beside him.

"Levi, it's different. There is no roof above your head. You're free to go wherever."

Levi spun on his heel. "Are we though? Are we free? I don't think so," he muttered turning away. "We are trapped behind these stupid wall. Trapped by people's fear. Erwin. I want to know what true freedom feels like. To be out in the open, not encaged in a pen like stupid pigs. Erwin, I want to be free. With you." He whispered the last bit, and had Erwin not been listening, really listening, he would have missed it. 

Erwin flushed, he loved Levi. But it wasn't like _that._ They were comrades, friends. Nothing more. _Weren't they?_

Levi answered that question by yanking Erwin down by his bolo tie and smashing his lips to the commanders. Erwin froze, before he reciprocated the kiss. His arms wrapping around the raven's petite frame, feeling the lithe and powerful muscles work under his touch. 

He was in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are welcomed  
> All feedback is too <3  
> I'm also sorry  
> Suggestions are welcome


End file.
